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Home Security System
(Preview)
Go to Salvo's and buy a used pair of 12 -14 Boots, Place them on the front patio, along with a few copies of "Guns and Ammo" magazine. Also place out four very large dog feeding bowls. Leave a note on the door that reads, "Bubba, Me and Marcel, Along with Jimmy Ray and Earl, went for more Ammo and Beer. Be ba...
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Possum3
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2
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911
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Thermos...
(Preview)
This guy just started at his new job, working at a p.rno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and asks if he can handle it. The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the bosss positive comments he finally agrees. A few minutes later a white woman walks in and asks, Ho...
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aussie_paul
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2
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824
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Voted Best Scottish Short Joke
(Preview)
Voted Best Scottish Short Joke A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, 'Excuse me Miss, dee ye hev any books on suicide?' To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, 'Fook off, ye'll no bring it back! Aussie Paul.
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aussie_paul
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0
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782
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Mystery of the Universe
(Preview)
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, What would you want to talk abou...
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Possum3
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0
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1078
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7 degrees of blond
(Preview)
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Craig1
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0
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948
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Nice Work
(Preview)
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Craig1
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0
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916
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Mickey Mouse
(Preview)
Mr Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agents supervisor takes him...
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Possum3
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1
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913
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Special Timbers.
(Preview)
An old blind guy goes for a job at a lumberyard. During the interview, the owner says, You're blind, how can you possibly tell one piece of wood from another? The blind guy responds that he can tell you everything you need to know about wood by its smell. So the owner decides to test him and sends a worker o...
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Possum3
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0
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791
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Lion Hunting.
(Preview)
Two friends had gone hunting. Ahead they saw a lion. The first man shot and missed but the lion had not realized where the men were. The second guy shot too. He missed too. This time the lion realized the place of the men and moved towards them. One of the men immediately took off his boots and put on spor...
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Possum3
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2
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958
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Grandpa.
(Preview)
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. The grandfather replies, I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little h...
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Possum3
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1
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936
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God vs Satan
(Preview)
In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He did this so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Whip and Ice Cream. And Satan sa...
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fwdoz
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4
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1040
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Golf
(Preview)
Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says "What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft".The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro "What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft".The third guy tees off and...
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fwdoz
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0
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733
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Heart Condition
(Preview)
One day Nick's wife asked him "What will he do if she were to die". Nick replied "I'll also die". She asked him "Why?" Nick replied "Well, you know I have a heart condition and most likely I would not be able to tolerate that much happiness".
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fwdoz
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2
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765
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Raw Prawn
(Preview)
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn ****tail. I looked round and this bloke shouts "That's just for starters!"
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fwdoz
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1
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806
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Wedding
(Preview)
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a beautiful, young, blonde woman carrying a child. She started walking slowly t...
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fwdoz
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0
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690
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"Poultry Farmer"
(Preview)
Yep ! A Prostitute's Tax Return... A woman walks into a Kalgoorlie accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?" "I'm a pr...
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aussie_paul
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0
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718
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Weight loss program
(Preview)
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.. She introduces herself as a representative...
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Paintar
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1
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721
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New Boots
(Preview)
A lady went into a bar in Waco, TX and saw a cowboy with his feet propped upon a table.He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with bigfeet being well endowed.The cowboy grinned and said, 'Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come onout to...
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Paintar
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1
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780
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Quickies.
(Preview)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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Possum3
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0
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1062
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Sergeants.
(Preview)
Jon and Matt have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Jon says, Hey, Matt, there's the Officers Club. Let's you and me stop in. But we're privates, protests Matt. We're sergeants now, says Jon, pulling him inside. Now, Matt, I'm gonna sit down and ha...
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Possum3
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1
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872
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