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The Guitarist
(Preview)
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the countryside. As I was not familiar with that area in the middle of nowhere, I got lost.I finally ar...
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fwdoz
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2
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936
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Dinner at the White House
(Preview)
This is an extract from Hillary Clinton's autobiography 'The Truth Will Always Prevail '. To be released soon..."Some years ago, nearing dinner time at the White House, our regular cook fell ill and they had to get a replacement on short notice. He wasn't the smartest looking guy, in fact he seemed a b...
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fwdoz
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2
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616
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Elderly couple watching TV
(Preview)
An elderly couple were at home watching TV. Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel. Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"
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fwdoz
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2
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783
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Speeding Police car
(Preview)
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we ever got to the scene of an accident".
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fwdoz
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1
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682
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Pull Buddy pull!
(Preview)
A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't move. "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge. "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer says "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car...
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fwdoz
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3
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688
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Human Trafficker
(Preview)
A stewardess goes to the flight deck and says "Captain, I believe we have a human trafficker on board. There is a pretty, younger lady back there next to this ugly, horrible, fat, old, slobbering sexual deviant!". The captain says "You're new here, aren't you? This is Air Force One".
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fwdoz
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0
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570
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Checking under the bed?
(Preview)
I question the practice of checking under the bed for prowlers etc prior to going to bed - What are you going to do if you find one?
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Possum3
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1
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790
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Gardening With Grandma...
(Preview)
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra.Her grandmother has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes..The next day the tee...
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aussie_paul
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0
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576
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Sailor.
(Preview)
There was once a famous sea captain, who was renowned the world over for his success at guiding merchant ships through difficult waters. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains, but there was one thing that puzzled people about him. Every morning he carried out the same strange ritual. He would...
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Possum3
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0
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815
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Cheap meat
(Preview)
The best and cheapest meat is deer balls You can get them from under a buck.
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Steve794
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11
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944
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Engineering Flowchart
(Preview)
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Dave1952
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2
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667
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Turnbull and the Engineer
(Preview)
Whether you like him or not...it is funny!Turnbull was in a hot air balloon and realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below so he descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised Bill Shorten I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.' The man b...
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Dave1952
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0
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674
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Just one Question
(Preview)
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Dave1952
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3
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735
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Life's Unanswered Questions - Long but good
(Preview)
How does a shepherd count his flock without falling asleep? Are there female leprechauns? Do judges and lawyers do jury duty? Do fish sleep? Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light? Why do all the days of the week end in "y"? Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is...
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Dave1952
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3
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926
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Irish Sawmill Accident
(Preview)
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh...
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Dave1952
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1
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675
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And still they come
(Preview)
Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happene...
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fwdoz
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0
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559
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But wait theres more
(Preview)
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, Ill serve you, but dont start anything. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems. Without geometry life is pointless. A termite walks into a bar and asks Is the b...
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fwdoz
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1
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669
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More dad jokes
(Preview)
Dogs cant operate MRI machines. But catscan. I went to play with my boomerang, but forgot how to use it. Then it came back to me. A monk paid $20 for a hotdog. When he asked the vendor where his change was, the vendor replied "Change comes from within" Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they are she...
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fwdoz
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1
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529
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A Grave Situation
(Preview)
This one is a bit longer but some Australian Bush Poetry is very funny! Full marks to Claude Morris on this one! A Grave Situation© Claude Morris When I staggered away from my favourite pub, The night was dark and still, And I thought I'd take a short cut home, That led over Cemetery Hill. Now I'm not a he...
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Dave1952
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0
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616
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The Pig
(Preview)
The Pig'Twas an evening in November As I very well remember I was strolling down the street in drunken pride But my knees were all a-flutter So I landed in the gutter And a pig came up and lay down by my sideYes, I lay there in the gutter Thinking thoughts I could not utter When a lady passing by did softly say...
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Dave1952
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0
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515
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